Do you say sorry 10 times for not being able to make it to an invitation? Do you say sorry for not picking up a call in the middle of the night? Do you apologize for stating your differences to people?
Sorry is known as one of the magic words. We say sorry for many reasons, sometimes out of guilt and sometimes to please people. However, persistently and excessively asking sorry could be associated with mental health issues. Saying sorry when you are at fault is the right thing to do. But if you constantly find yourself apologizing, take a moment to reflect and realize whether it is really your fault. Saying sorry because you are afraid of offending someone, saying your ideas out loud, or being worried of being judged is noneffective.
- Seeking reassurance
- By saying sorry before you share your thoughts and opinions, you are undermining your thoughts and statements.
- Lack of confidence
- Low self-esteem
- Passive aggression
- Fear of what others will think about you.
- Lack of interpersonal skills
- Feeling everything is their fault
- Fear of rejection and criticism
- Insecure and trying to overly accommodate
Psychotherapist Beverly Engel states in her book “The Power of an Apologia” that over-apologizing is similar to over-complimenting. We tend to think we are being nice and caring towards that person, but we are displaying our lack of confidence and being ineffectual.
Excessive apologizing could be associated with mental health conditions like depression, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, OCD, borderline personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, and PTSD. Excessively saying sorry could also be a trauma response. Trauma survivors use this as a survival mechanism to make themselves smaller and to avoid problems. They keep this as a way of being safe.
Here are some of the ways that you can express your thoughts and opinions.
- Thank you for your time and patience.
- Do you have a moment?
- I am unable to attend this meeting.
- I would like to share a different take on this matter.
- These are my genuine opinions on this issue.
- I couldn’t pick up as I was caught up with my personal work.
- Thank you for inviting me; I can’t make it.
- I will be happy to help you out, but I won’t be able to do it on Monday.
By clearly stating your thoughts, opinions, and perspective, you are showcasing your originality and confidence. You can still be respectful and genuine in talking and making your point to others, and there is no need to apologize for expressing your ideas and thoughts that you feel are right to express. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for managing the emotions of others.
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